Nostolgia and home

MICHAEL BUBLE LYRICS

"Home"

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

May be surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

When I smell pancake foundation and toe shoe chalk my mind opens a back filed and dusty memory of being a clown in the ballet, the Nutcracker, and makes it feel like just yesterday. All from a smell.
When I feel hazy rain and early morning fog I almost expect to see my old jogging trail behind the hotel I worked at in the Tetons. All from the particular feel of rain.
When I see, feel, hear, or smell certain things it summons nostalgia that I didn't expect. I don't remember telling myself, "Note to self, remember this!" But, it doesn't matter because its stored up in my brain anyway.
I have been listening to the music on my blog as I have been writing and I keep getting so darn nostalgic. I have realized I picked these songs because each has a particular significance to me. I won't write about each of them, but the song "Home" is standing out to me right now. Now for a flash from Lindsey's past...

As I wrote in previous post's, I met Jason before I served a mission. Its kind of weird for a girl to serve a mission when they have found the person that they want to marry. Lets just say its highly...discouraged. There are times though, that you know you are supposed to do something that doesn't really make sense, and this was one of those times.
For the most part of my mission I was so busy with the work, that though I missed "home" a lot, it was manageable because I was having so many adventures. When I was just barely halfway through my mission I was transfered out of an area that I had been in for seven and a half months. I had seen my first baptism there and then another seven after that. So, as you can imagine I had a lot of close ties with converts, investigators, and members. After running a hundred miles an hour in an area I had finally seen a lot of success, I was transfered to two singles wards. Whoa.
I had two companions who did not get along, it was the dead of a hot humid summer, and I was spiritually, mentally, physically exhausted. The only people we could teach were single females without children. Uhhhhhh try and find those in DC! Needless to day I became very discouraged--and distracted. Our ward was full of people I knew from home--cousins, roommates, and people I had gone on dates with :(.
Not only that, but the ward was really full of beautiful, successful, talented, empowered women who were very very single. It made me feel crazy for leaving the person I knew I was supposed to marry.
When you are missionary you give all you have of yourself everyday. Its expected that you are happy and outgoing, but I didn't feel that way anymore. I hated being fake. I was pretty candid with my companions, and they were as helpful as they could be, but I couldn't pinpoint the reason I was struggling so much.
Actually, the funny part of this story was my poor district leader. I told him I was struggling and he made me and my companions have a therapy session with the zone leader. The zone leader kept trying to blame things on my two companions (since they didn't get along) I kept explaining, "No its me thats the problem!" but they thought for sure it had to be my companions. Ironically we were able to laugh at that together and that cheered me up a little bit.
I wasn't depressed. I don't even like that word. I was thoughtful and emotional. I had feelings that led me to a place where I was more appreciative, more humble, and more empathetic. I learned a lot about timing, and about the seasons of our life.
Anyway, back to the song. My mission went on, I got over my issue's, and I sprinted to the end of my mission. When I got home from my mission I was dancing at BYU and we had to dance to this song for one of my finals. Even before I heard the song I totally connected with the movement the choreographer had set. The first time I heard the song I almost couldn't finish the dance. It was just like smelling toe shoe chalk from the past. I heard the song and it took me back to those feelings I had living in a busy city of a hundred cultures, preaching the gospel, and being so far from being understood. I look back on that time as one of the most precious time on my mission even though it was probably the hardest.

And that friends, is why I love this song.